Is this a dream?

Strength
Strength

I have been really coming out of my depression shell, it has been a long haul.  There are times when I am so happy I actually stop and ask myself “who are you – is this real?” The last nine months have been extremely trying and difficult, especially around Christmas season. I am sure that was the first time I actually thought about exiting this planet to rid myself of the emotional downs I was going through but I kept it to myself, it scared me!

Once I got my bearings back I decided to start crafting which brought back memories of my art capabilities. How did I forget I love art, life got in my way and I pushed everything that made me ME aside and forgot about it.  I have discussed my depression and my trials and tribulations with our daughter but today its about me. Finally living!

Water Colour by me – On the Rocks, I think you will like this one.

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Done, Done and Done!

Well that was one crazy weekend! All moved and rested…yes I am so out of shape I had to rest off the sore muscle achy feeling.  The new apartment is much bigger and I hope they are happier but next move they must hire movers …I am getting too old for that shit!

So call me crazy, CRAZY!  My daughter and her partner have 2 cats and a small dog. The day after the move (Sunday) they picked up a new puppy, aww right? Its a Great Dane! Those things get huge and live a short life and the other animals are not even settled in the new home. I am flabbergasted, why can’t they just be happy with what they have? Oh well thats my daughter for ya……geez.

I think like a Mom, they have no money and four animals hmmm if you do the math something does not add up.  I guess they do this to keep themselves happy and I am ok with that but I am the one on the phone when our daughter has a Bitch fest about everything her partner does not do to help or how crazy the animals are driving her or the best one is “we have no money”.

On a positive note – I have been trying to find some time for myself so I can focus on my Water Colours – Yes, I paint. I decided I was going to start practising Eyes because eyes do tell all, right? Once I have eyes mastered I will move on to mastering proportions. When I was young I loved art but when my mother passed away I stopped (she was my biggest fan) I forgot how expressive it was and glad I decided to rekindle with water colours (I love colours).   It is Snow megaton out there – I guess today will be a paint day!

The painting below is named “I see the good”

Enjoy the colours!

I see the good

Time to move

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Well this weekend is moving weekend for our daughter, I am happy to report she is in a decent mind space. Since she has been diagnosed with personality disorder on top of her Bipolar she seems to be understanding herself better. There is an intense therapy that she will be starting in February which I am sure will help her more.

I can’t wait until she gets into her new apartment just for the fact she will be cooking at home again and eating a bit better.  The apartment she is in now on the first floor had major ants in the kitchen (more than once) which was reported two months ago and NO one has come to do pest control. It is difficult just living for her at times but the ants just add to it – I certainly would not be happy with the situation and she seems to show more patience then me.

Yesterday was Bell Talk day and I came across an entry my daughter made on the internet and she talked about her struggles bit but what caught my eye was how grateful she was to have a supporting family…….this made me smile and for the first time I felt we were doing something right We have become an understanding supportive family. This took some skills, listening, research, and an open mind but we did it!

Mondays, Yuck!

I lied in bed last night wide awake at 1:00 am with racing thoughts going through my mind. I have so many projects I would like to do and start selling. I also bought a new pillow last night, was I up because of my racing mind or was it because of my new pillow or maybe a combination.  What ever it was I am dragging my ass today, I am so out of it I can’t think straight.  I put on my non slip fuzzy stockings this morning and somehow manage to fall down the stairs…..OUCH!

OK, OK so there were only four steps but I hit everyone of them with every body part. My toe feels like it should be broken, I hit the bone behind my ear and it has a goose egg and both elbows are scrapped. Really?

Not my Monday.

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Sisterhood Blogger award

 

wpid-img_20150116_184933Glad to be thought of as part of the Sisterhood Bloggers and I have to Thank On the Rocks (renewed design)  for the nomination,  a great writer who eloquently relays thoughts and real life situations to the screen. I was given the award a couple of weeks ago and now is time to share I have to give On The Rocks props.

A humbling and exciting experience to be recognized for my true thoughts and feelings about my quirky ways.  I am honored to be nominated and excited never ever thought I would be a blogger.

We all know the Rules…what would an award be without them?

1- Thank and link the person(s) who nominated you on your blog
2- Post the award in a visible area.
3- Answer the 10 question’s you will be given.
4- Nominate 7 other lovely blogger’s.
5- Make sure you write out 10 new question’s for your nominees to answer.
6- Don’t break the rules

MY QUESTIONS TO ANSWER

1. If you could turn back time, would you? Why or why not?

I wouldn’t at this point as I am just starting to feel comfortable in my skin. There are a few things I would change if I could but time has made me who I am today.

2. What is your all-time favorite song?

Weird Fishes – Radiohead – Love the Rainbow album (CD) LOL!

3. Sweet or Salty?

Tough one! I like them together but if I had to pick one I would pick Sweet

4. Biggest fear?

Bedbugs! These little blood suckers are everywhere now

5. Best Childhood memory?

My Auntie owned a farm and had a big family.  I remember the summers at the farm and riding horses – I will never forget the peace I had living simple.

6. Turn on iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, or what have you, and randomly shuffle through to the third song. What is it? How does it fit in your situation right in this moment?

Turn Away – Beck

I have had some struggles in the last 10 years, employers can be so heartless and it was a very hard pill to swallow when you are let go. There are people in my family that never have anything nice to say, I think of this song and let it go.

7. What movie best describes your life at the moment?

Little Miss Sunshine – EVERYONE wants to be loved and wanted.

8. What was the deciding factor in finally starting your blog?

I was doing some research – looking for other parents that deal with Bipolar in the family.  I came across Teach her how to fly on wordpress and was hooked.

I was excited to have an outlet, a sounding board and was pleasantly surprised to find such a great bunch of writers that put their heart on the screen.

9. Religion, Spirituality, or Science? None? Combo?

I would have to say Spiritual – I was born Catholic and went to Catholic schools but I am definitely more Spiritual.

10. You are given the choice between living in your dreams or living in your reality. What do you choose and why?

I like reality most times – the only times I would want to live in my dreams would be when I see my Mom, I would have loved to have more time with her.

MY QUESTIONS TO YOU!

1.  If you were given a free trip and had to choose between Cuba or Jamaica where would you go and why?

2. If you had to wear a watch would you choose digital or old style clock face? Why?

3. What is your favourite saying?

4. Do you hold doors open for others or walk right through without looking back?

5. If you were playing Survivor would you be a team player or an outcast?

6. If you had to pick a new location to move to where would it be.

7. Coffee or Tea?

8. Which do you prefer – Home cooked meal or Fast Food?

9. What is your favourite dish to eat?

10. What do you do to help relieve stress?

NOMINEES!

I enjoy reading all the blogs I follow so this will be difficult. I am inspired daily by the words of kind strangers and the honest feedback of those being real with the situations. Writing is a great outlet and some do this so beautifully, Keep it up!

1. Bipolar Scorpio

2. Neurochemically Challenged

3. The Bipolar Homestead

4. Ashkaay

5. Bemused By Beleaguering

6. bipolar for life adventure

7. Adventures of a Former Scapegoat

 

Self doubt

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I have been so busy, busy in my head, thinking, pacing, thinking some more.

I was offered a part time job – work from home. Totally up my alley but why am I doubting myself and my abilities? Why do I have this monkey on my back telling me your not going to succeed? I never thought that growing up and have been pretty successful with my street smarts.  My schooling went as far as High School, no college, no University only the school of common sense and LIFE!

I seem to be crocheting in excess, need some fingerless gloves? Heck I have made like 14 pairs in a week including ear warmers to match oh and the amazing slouch hat I made for myself which I love so I can’t forget that. Keeping busy, busy, busy.10933323_10152624828412335_1262258610_n

I guess it is some type of mild mania I am going through but I have noticed that I often have a negative voice of self doubt during this need to get things done. I am not claiming to be bipolar as I do not go through the torture my daughter does by any means. I can’t help but think that the apple does not fall from the tree to a certain extent. I am in tune with it much more than I ever have been I guess,  maybe I should address the doubt right away before it festers into a high anxiety situation?

Moving forward I must find away to intercept the negative with a positive – sometimes easier said than done.